Now that I’m fully immersed in treatment, it’s time to go out on a limb and broach the topic that has been on my mind since the time of diagnosis, but that I haven’t brought up because it’s, well, it’s anti-establishment — in a BIG way.
I’ve mentioned this to a few people who responded either by gasping or by boo-hooing my belief, assuming that my outrageous notion is a by-product of chemotherapy or pain meds or just the general delirium that comes with a cancer diagnosis.
However, I still fervently believe that I have never been engaged in a fight with breast cancer. Has this been awful? Yes. Has this been a struggle? Yes, of course. Has this been a long haul? Absolutely.
Omnipresent in our culture are cancer “fighting” messages, like “cancer-fighting strategies” and “cancer-fighting foods” and “cancer-fighting treatments.” People told me to “fight” or “keep fighting” or “fight the good fight” as if I were Muhammed Ali.
Frankly, the thought of “fighting” makes my stomach turn. Quite simply: I’m not a fighter.
Now, that’s certainly not to say that I’m passive. Far, far from it. In fact, the image of myself as passive makes me laugh out loud. I’m assertive. Strong. Determined. Forthright. I stand up to bullying and don’t take S**T from anyone.
I know quite a few people who are “fighters.” They love to pick a fight and then go full throttle. Yelling. Screaming. Smoke coming out of their ears. Fighters. You look at them and it seems as if they are seething, just waiting for the next battle. Always one word away. I have never in my life understood how someone could live this way.
If I haven’t thrown you over the edge and you are still reading, please allow me to clarify that fighting is very different from the emotion of anger. Anger is, I believe, a very healthy emotion. When I’m really ticked about something (which does happen on occasion), I acknowledge it, welcome it, thank it and then politely ask it to leave. Anger isn’t something that I’m fond of holding for long periods of time.
I’ve been harnessing energy. I’ve been finding Silver Linings and thinking positively. I’ve been laughing whenever possible (mostly at myself). I’ve been resting. I’ve been allowing the treatments to eradicate cancer from my body. I’ve been learning. I’ve been growing. I’ve been trying things that I’ve never done before (e.g., giving myself IV fluids, getting fitted for a custom bustier bolus, writing).
My philosophy is to focus on the positive and thereby render the negative inconsequential.
And another thing: In all of my years as a cardiac nurse, never once did we (nurses, doctors, etc.) tell patients with cardiovascular disease to “fight.”
As a hospice nurse who has cared for many cancer patients at the end of their life, I wondered whether were they somehow to blame because they “lost the fight”? It almost seemed punitive to suggest that they “lost.” As if they had something to do with it. It was never suggested that patients with vascular disease, for example, “lost” some kind of “battle.”
This is certainly no right or wrong here. Everyone chooses how they will handle their own circumstances and disease process. My fundamental hope is that no matter which road is chosen that you are able to find Silver Linings (inside the ring or out).
- Raymond Johnson Refused Federal Aid For Cancer Of The Breast Because He’s A Guy
- Gene linked to 70% of breast cancer patients
- Dogs Sniff Out Lung Cancer
- Film slams “pink-washing ‘campaigns for breast cancer
- Breast cancer: `Silent killer` on the rise
Category: Health/ Food/ Diet
There are no comments yet. Why not be the first to speak your mind.